The Romanians are a very religious culture, their main activity is calling God in their life. Romanians also look to God for help. The best way to show their religious belief is to get into crowded churches and stare at other people’s clothes, this activity happening especially at Christmas and Easter. After that one must discuss each piece of clothing in enclosed circles determined by age and social position. This ritual is extremely hard and therefore the best ones at it are midle aged men and women who stand in front of their house all day, on little chairs and thus can compare the street style with the church style.
The visit to the church is made more interesting by the constant danger of being burned “unintentionately” of course with a candle, get your money stolen or get hit with a piece of firework. Romanians are a very adventuresome nation and they like the thrill of going to church in dangerous conditions.
Romanians are so religious that they mainly use the word God or it’s associates (if they don’t use the so popular muie or pula) in everyday life. For instance, let us say that you can’t find your wallet. Then, a ritualistic invocation of God is needed: “Unde pula mea l-am pus?! Futu-i Dumnezeii lui de portofel!!!” (Where could I have put my wallet? God help me find it, so I can introduce it to the pleasures of anal sexual intercourse, please!)
Another highly religious expression is <'tulai Doamne!> (Untranslateable in this form, but linked to the word God=Doamne). This is a derrived of
, which means “May God give you the best of luck so that you may enjoy the pleasure of sexual intercorse in the near future”. Romanians are so religious that each holiday is celebrated by ingesting high alcohol quantities, until each and every person in a village or city is closer to God. We are proud of drinking red wine, which makes us feel that much close to our Saviour. The conection is obvious to any true priest but they were too drunk to answer our questions at the time this article was written…we will pursue the case and anounce you.
It is also very common to invoke the Saints, the ancestors, other higher beings and especially the symbol of christianity: the cross! Common expressions are like “Futu-ti crucea matii!” (May the holy cross watch over your mother) or “Rupe-se-ar cailor lu’ Dumnezeu hamurile cand imi trag pula din mata!” (May God’s horses have a nice day, and may your mother be fertile and happy.)
Misa is the main Romanian religious cult. This religion is a form of yoga and hardcore sex, practiced by over 98% of the population. A couple hundred people gather in a place called the fuckers’ grounds and they starting having wild sex with each other.
The whole process is lead by The Guru, a highly important figure in Romania. Many people love this man and teach their children to be just like him; he recently published a book “How to love your neighbour, from behind” which was declared a best-seller in the first weekend, and over 1 million copies sold in the first week. Of course, The Guru donated all those earnings to the victims of incorrect copulation, which happen fairly often in the cult, due to the excess use of drugs and wine.
The Guru is also known as IPS Teoctist. He is a former bulldozer driver, now converted to the state of church-constructor. Regarding its megalomany, a quote defines it: “My limit is the sky!”, limit which he intend to reach by constructing a church in the centre of Bucharest. The church plans revealed that the saint’s faces painted on the church were all his face, subtile arranged with Adobe Photoscrot.
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